Defining ourselves

What are the ways in which we can define ourselves? Based on our skills, based on our behavioral attributes based on our capabilities, based on our skills, based on the emotions we go through, based on the way we express ourselves, based on the way we relate with people. Nearly all of these ways are relative. they change with changing environments. as people around uis change, these definitions that we hold about ourselves change. in one environment we maybe proud of our skill because of its high level of proficiency and in another environment the same skill can bring us shame. so, the definitions that we hold about ourselves are prone to change, they are not real or fixed. can there be fixed definitions about ourselves? definitions that do not change? can there be anything fixed about ourselves? something that does not change? but w hat is the need for finding something about ourselves that does not change. we are organic entities constantly changing. even with the limited information we have, even with the information we have about ourselves through our own senses we can see that we are constantly c hanging. scientisist maybe will be able to find a significant amount of change in the smallest area within our body. with so much change happening why rely on or why wish ti fond something that does not change about ourselves. something that is fixed. what is the problem in having definitions about ourselves that are prone to change, after ll this can and this is a n indication of growth. in the past when someone used to do X I used to boil with anger and now when someone says the same thing I do not build with anger. I am not an angry person anymore. but how reliable and how true is this definition? have we put ourselves in all the situations possible have we gone through all the situations possible and seen that the emotion of anger does not arise at all. there is something that can occur, there cadence , there are situations that can come up during which our anger will arise. with that why waster our energy in labelling ourselves as not an angry person. so does this mean we should label ourselves as a person who gets angry? not really. how then can we stay without defining ourselves? how will we relate with the people around? how will we decide whom to collaborate with, whom to socialize with without defining ourselves? defining ourselves is an important aspect of our social relationships. what will we say about ourselves to others? when we are asked during our dates, during our interviews? not bein g able to define ourselves seems absurd, seems as if we do not know about ourselves. but is definining ourselves not a sign that we DO NOT KNOW ABOUT OURSELVES? We end up making statements about ourselves despite knowing our ever changing nature and think we are self-aware. but how self-aware we truly are? ifsel-fawareness were to be true we would have refrained from making statements about ourselves. then how can we move ahead in our lives? without knowing where we stand how can we move ahead? defining ourselves is an important part of assessing where we stand currently and without knowing where we stand currently, where is the scope of moving ahead? it is essential to know where we are at, to be able to see where we need to get to. without knowing the debt in my bank balance how will I work towards resolving the debt? knowing the debt, knowing the present situation is essential but to what extent is defining ourselves essential? there is no money in my bank account, I owe money to people in the market, i am in debts lets say this is the present reality, if not for all at least for some, in this what should the definition be? how should I define myself? should I start seeing myself a pauper? but in comparison to whom? in a group of other individuals who are in greater debt, it may not be fully correct to call myself as a pauper. but this inability to define myself does not change the fact that I am in debt and the money needs to be paid back. what should my course of action be? and how will not defining myself as a pauper will help? should I start seeing myself as a rich man? even that will put ourselves in trouble. because that is also not the reality that is not real. in a group of other paupers this might be real, in a group of other wealthy men, this will not be real. so the definition of seeing myself as rich will also not help in coming our of my debts. but how will not having any definitions help? will this open up more choices? will this allow me to act more freely? how does defining ourselves constrain us? how does it bind us? in whzat ways does it help us? we have defined ourselves many times, but in what ways does it help us? what do we accomplish by defining ourselves? is it not to have a sense of progress? I earned 1 crore rupess recently in the stock market I am rich now. without this definition how will we have a sense of progress? but how true is this sense of progress? in what realm are we making this progress? in our own lives we made progress. we went from having 0 rupess to having 1 cror. so I sow the seed I say to myself I am rich now. But what point did I really become right? or rather wealthy? at what point did I become wealthy? was it when I had 20Rs, was it when I had 10000Rs, was it when I had 5000000rs? or was it when I had 5000000rs? There is no clear answer . then why engage in this activity? why peddle these lies to ourselves? do we even see our definitions as lies? how comfortable is it for us to see our definitions as lies? if we were to list all the definitions that we hold about ourselves and step by step call them as real in the context only, call them as unreal, how would our experience be? we are bound to be unsettled, it will not be a pleasant experience. it will be unpleasant. but what is the unpleasant ness stemming from? why this catharsis? we just told ourselves what was real. it was a simple reality check. why so much fuss about it? there should be something more concrete that we deriving from these definitions. how does it feel to be with someone whom we cannot define. it feels odd. it feels threatening. we do not know. . we do not know about ourselves. it feels odd. but on other hand as we saw defining ourselves is also an unnecessary cirucus that we put ourselves through. what is the point? it is lie anyways. but what is the addition towards finding the truth? why not let the lies remain? letting the lies remain is ok, but why call them as truths? why not call them as lies? that should at least not be a problem. there is something that needs to be addressed. calling lies as lies should be ok. whether we choose to stop defining ourselves or not, calling these definitions as lies should not be a problem. the fact that to is problematic to call them as lies, points to something that needs to be addressed, there is something that we are deriving by calling our lies as truths. they are our truths we can say. but can we also say that these our are truths? and these are the truths? this also seems uncomfortable. it is not weeasy to call them as our truths or as subjective truths. those are our fucking truths. those are the truths. why so much fuxx about all this. let us leave them as is. let us leave with the fact that we will call our lives as the truths. without seeing why we do this. this also does not seem to be an option. how can we live with a lir? we do not like liars we expect everyone around to be truthful. and we how can we leave this one liar alone? something needs to be done about this. otherwise we will need to give up our expectation for others around to be truthful. should we then contain this to objective events alone? I gave 10Rs to Mr X. This is a fact. Mr. X gave me food worth 10Rs. this is fact. But I cannot say that I no longer get angry. who knows? what if someone pokes my wife’s butt, or scratches on my luxury car. angry might boil. boil back again. where else to anchor ourselves? is there any sense of knowing that we can have about ourselves? to be defition less is haunting. there should be at least some anchor. some sense about ourselves. but why this addition to have some sense about ourselves? what will we say about ourselves when someone asks us about ourselves? I do not know. It appears that we are lost. But are really lost when we say this? we can rather say that we have found. we have found that our definitions were lies. why unnecessarily parrot them? how then to move ahead? how to take stock of ourselves? without taking a stock what steps to take to move ahead? when someone says I am a idiot I lose myself and start charging behind them like mad dog. dogs are not mad. expect when hungry? not then too.l poor dogs. ok. if someone calls me an idiot i start charging behind them like a mniac. this is ok. for nowl like a mnia I start charging behind them. this is real. this needs to change. it is unnecessary. it disrupts my workflow. why let someone elkse’s lies affect me? in his reality I manbye an idtio, because of things that I did. but why let his definitions ruin my work? what about my reputation then? should I leave him alone? he needs to be answered back. otherwise my reputation will be harmed, my social engagement will be affected. after all reputation is an effective tool. it allows people to have a sense of ourselves before we even have a physical meeting with them. it is essential to protect our reputation. what then should we do here? objectively discuss and resolve? find the flaws in their statement refute the claims and move on. move on with our lies 😉? or let this be as a passing comment? the exact course of actions may vary. when told that we are an idiot, in a social setting it might be important to respond back, sometimes it maybe essential while sometimes it may not be. what if we are observing silence teeth? during these instances we will anways not be able to respond. we can respond to them in the future. theeact course of action to be taken might vary. sometimes it may be essential to respond in the moment,. sometimes it maybe essential to respond in the future and sometimes to respond at all would be the best course of action. after all krishan gave sishupal 100 changes before taking his head off. our mileage and our context may vary. our life situations maybe different and demand a different action. but by how much should we allow this to influence ourselves in ways without our choice? none. if we were to allow random comments to influence the ideas we hold about ourselves, then our lives will go haywire. but how simple wpild this be? would this be simple? if we hold lies about ourselves, of being intelligent, will be it wasy to counter the lies of being called as an idiot? the label of idiot will be a lie, maybe a lie, but how simolke would it be to not be impacted by this label when we carrying the label of intelligent and seeing it as real? there is bound to be a clash. if we are carrying this label as real, the label of being intelligent, remaining at ease will not be possible. we are resting our sense of self on lies, and we are bound to be shaken by other lies. what then to rest our sens of self then? can there be anything concrete? or it will be a mystery, definition less? being definition less and moving ahead seems impossible, counterintuitive. but is possibly not the only way we can move ahead? without this, how will anchor towards something that is more concrete? how will the basis of our actions be something that is more inherent, more close to ourselves? without this this what to act upon and what not act upon will always be influenced by the lies that we are holding about ourselves. I live in X society by networth is Y and the net worth of others around is also similar. I am rich. I change the society the immediate surrounding that I live in my networth is Y_1, the networth of others around in less by an order of magnitude. I am rich. with definitions about ourselves changing so drastically, how can we anchor our actions? there is not anchoring at all. if might seem that definions give us something solid ourselves, but they are changing all the time. they are solid ways to chain ourselves. they re solid but in what sense? how to they give us a sense of solidity despite changing all the time? let alone change of society, even changing in changing the rstraiunts that we eat in can change what we feel about ourselves. eat in an 4-start restaurant and then eat in a 5-star restaurant in clothes that we wear at home, neat hygience, but not ironed, very simple. torn at a few places here and there. even this can pout us through a catharsis. how then is the definition of being rich solid? how can we anchor on such a definition. this is not solid at all. there is nothing that is reliable in the definition. there is nothing that be anchored upon. on the other hand not having a definition also seems unstelklking. but for how long would this unsettling last? would it be forever? is this unsettling negative or detrimental in itself? does our body or our mind go through something damaging? it is rather the other way around, when we anchor ourselves in lies, the body and the mind are in a constant state of flux. sometimes there is anger anger somethines there is pride, it depends on which read are other stepping, are they in agreement with the lies that we hold or not. the body and the mind are in a constant flux responding to things that are not real at all. reponsing to things that are not present in the external environment at all. on one end there is the environment to respond to and now they have to respond to these lies. they are unnecessarily engaged and fatigued by all this. so holding these definitions is also not an elixir for the body and the mind. not having a definition might be unsettling but atlesat the body and the mind are relatively at see. there are not tensed constantly. without any definitions about ourselves how then to move ahead? what to act upon? what should define our decision making? what should form the basis of our actions? what should people us to act? it almost seems that there is nothing to act upon when we stop defining ourselves. there is a sense of ease within the body and the mind and with ease there is nowhere to go. why go elsewhere there is ease here right now. why act? this moment is fine. everything is available here - the body and the mind are at ease. why act all? but hy not act? what is about actions that will sitrub this state? we have anyway stopped defining ourselves, why not act? is there anything inherently dangerous action? will it put us in tribuel? we might get into something covering when acting, but what we get ourselves into when sitting idel is also not in our control. not everything that comes in our lives comes with out invitation comes with out permissions. so sitting idle, not doing anything, or perhaps not doing doing much and just feeind ourselves and giving ourselves shelter without taking too much load. without doing much is not safer than acting. in fact not acting, not choosing to act, or seeing action as something that should be avoided to prevent disturbing this sense of ease is c concerning. because there may still be some hidden defitions that we are holding about ourselves, otherwise what is the problem in acting? we have anyways topped defining ourselves. the actions and the results that come from these actions should leave us unfazxed, or should not affect our sense of clam. so not having a definition is not a crutch that makes us impotent, that makes us incapable to talking actions. it makes it easier for us to act. but what to act upon what should we act upon when we do not have any definition about ourselves? I can sing well, should I aspirte to sing better? better in what context? even better here would be relative. and since it is relative should I forego this decision? oir should I aspire to sing better to be competitive ? that is also not required, may not be required, there are umpten examples where signers with less trained vocals who earn better than the ones who are moire trained and also sound well. when this is the cases, what would refine singing ? what needs to be done? what can be done? what will decide the next step? should I sing more effortlessly, transition between the notes more fluidly? be able to perform more ticks, more tills ? why? what can be used to define the next step to be taken? if not someone else’s expertise, what else? our sens of satisfaction? but just a whole ago we stopped resting this on definitions. on false definitions. so our own sens of satisfaction is also out of picture. out of the ay. something else needs to be tapped into. what else within ourselves can guide the next step? become better, in what sense? without comparison with some more refined taking the next step is difficult. there needs to be some carrot that moves the donkey ahead. do donkeys even eat carrots? who brought up this image of a carrot tied ahead of donkey? it might be true. what should be our carrot? someone else’s skill? but in environments when our skill is at top, what else can be done? should new frontiers of personal excellence not be explored? or rather we should start a training institute? that also is ok. but what about personal excellence? or rather what about exploring something more? why not leave it as is. why explore something more? then what to do? should one just sit idle? clontinue with the routine stuff? sing at the current skill level, earn, eat, fuck, sleep, repeat, or rather not fuck if one is not infto fucking. why does taking the next step nsems so difficult? after removing these factors, not comparing with others to prevent constraining, taking the next logical step seems difficult. what if otherthan singing something else needs to be done? there might be pain in the body that needs to be addressed. what if that needs to be fixed first and then the next step of singing might bring itself uo? what is something more that needs to be done, other than singing? what if there is something else that life needs us to attend? to attend to? how then to identify what life needs us to attend to? is this not evident most of the times? there is pain attend to it. there is discomfort attend to it. there is something concerning attend to it. but the list of what is concerning is also never ending. what does life need us to pay attention to? discomfort or pain alone cannot be signal. there should be something more. there is so much that can be source of discomfort of pain. going about fixing this alone, or seeing this alone as life’s signal will be restricting. what are some other concert e signals that life gives us? should we take the advice of elders as kamal is suggesting? but elders also might be anchored in false definitions. they might ask us to produce more babies than their friends have produced. ok there is no baby comkptetion. they mighe ask us to earn more than their friends son. something else should oiffere a better signal a better signal on what to act upon next. intuition? an impulse from within? som,thing we are called for? called to do? or why not pick some,ting up that seems interesting? there is so much that seems interesting to us. sometimes this sometimse that. bsed on the tiktok orInstagra, stream or short that we are watching our intetset change. things seems interesting within a span of seconds. which other khujli to itch? to scratch? payu debts? what if there are no debts? help the poor? possibly, but the list of poor isnever ending unfortunately, and charity is useful but not a way to solve poverty. who can solve poverty through charity? poverty stems from so many reasons. corrupt social structure, insneitivity of the poos towards themselves. what makes them endlessly scroll through shorts? while sitting on the foothpath and inhaling toxic smoke from the vehicles of the wealthy? what is stopping them from moving out of this ? their own additioncs? if not that what else? everybody is not a drug addict, everybody has different addictions, not everyone is initiated into additioncs, not is the case. addiction for many is a choice. to remain addicted evfen if someone else cunningly trapped them into addition is choice. dificult one to make, but life is heleish with additctions anyways. what are the addictions that we hold? that we trapped by? what are the different types of acddictions? and what is the common thread amongst all these addictions? what makes them the same or what is binding thread? every addiction gives us something satisfying. there is something about addictions that satisfy us. but how long is the satisfaction that we derive bound to last? foreover? not really. there is dip and we reacdh out to addiction again. slowly this also starts helping. the dips become more grueling, we need something more strong, something more instant. something more long lasting perhaps? something more strong and something faster is reaquired. someting that can keep us satisfied for long. are drugs alone used for satisfaction? we are using so many things for our satisfaction all the time. relationships, accomplishments, possessions and many other things. homes, offices, device we own. but are all these then addictions? why not? we are using them for our satisfaction thisis clear, then why are they not addictions? why this boundary making between this and that? we use our knowledge to also build a sense of satisfaction, why is this not a drug then? cars improve the qualityr oflife they do not ruin us like a shot cocaine might ruin one. that;s true. but what does the satisfaction that we derive fom owing a car do to us? does it not harm us? harm us? how does it harm us? it is such a simple act. I won a nice car, I am satified. I aown a nice body I am satisfied. I own a fit body I am satisifed. What is the problem? how is this satisfaction harming me? is it because I will compare with others? or thre is something more soemthing more inherently harmful about this sense of satisfaction that I sderive. how long does the satisfaction last? does it last long enough? not really. it ends short. it always ends up ending short. more satisfaction is required. but then how is the satisfaction already derived from the card, something that is already done is harmful? it is alie. we lied. we lied that the possession of casr was satisfying. what did it really satisfy? did it really satisfy us the way we wanted to be satisfied? no then why did we experience satisfaction out of it? how did the possession of car lead to satifiaction if we did not lies to ourselves? lie about what? in the moment it was satisfying to own the car, how is saying this construed as lies? did we not say this is enough? did we not say this should suffice to ourselves? did we say this is less than what I need when derviing satisfaction? we said enough, but we did not say it less, I will anyways want more. This was not told. but this happens anyways. this happens with everything that we derive a sense of satisfaction from. the wife was fucking good yesterday night, it was satisfying, it was less I will want more tomorrow is someting that we might not, we will not say. we will says it was ood f uck. it was lesss I will want more tomorrow is someing we do not say. there is lies here . this needs to be investigated. we are opeddling lies to ourselves like before, when we were defininf ourselves and pedddling lies. speaking about fucking itself can be arousing,. it is arouding. just speaking about it is arouding. there is a mild arousal now as I type. just by speaking about tit. there should be some value to what we are speaking to ourselves. when we say this satisfied, there should be someting happenign within ourselves. when we say this three should be some response. lies should havbe an impact. soimething that is not real should have an impact. I have never fucked at all, yet when I say about it, when I wrote about it there was arousal, an impulse not an arousal, anotherlie there. our lies do not go unattended. even when something it self does not exist it can have a real impact upon us. those lies that we say ourselves about being satified even when knowing it less should have some impact upon us. we are leading ourselve in the wrong direction. we are leading ourselves in the direction of keeping ourselves convinced

aht byheading in this direction there will be satisfaction, if we were to say this was less I will need mote,. we will not head in the direction that we head towards, we could have otherwise headed towards. this wouldn’t have been the case. grammaryl substack chrome, an interesting event. all that I had written about fucking never appeared it gave a ssens of sastifiaciotn that the article will be leaner and yet I will be able to focus on the lies, put the point across faster, without all the notes about fucking and the way in which fuclking and writing about it help me reach the point where we saw that we misleading ourselves. what a prick. thanks to fucking, it leads ourselves it lwead us to a point where we saw that we do not state this is less and we will want more. and this peoples us wrongly. the same is the case with every other things that we do for satisfaction. we take s hot of cocaine we never say that this is less and I will want more, we take a shot of whisky but never say this list less I will want more. there are lies. and these lies are misleading us. there are stopping us from stopping fro heading in the wring direction. but the lies we say about a narcotic is not the same as the lies we say about a car. the impact on the body and the mind is different. a narotic harms more than the car. is this really the case? of course a narcotic degrades the faculties of the body and the mind much faster. than what a car does, than how a car degrades the faculties of the body the and mind. speed is the difference . speed maybe different,. but can it be told that the sense os satisfaction derived from the possession of a car does not harm the body and the mind at all? is there no activity that is result of experiencing satisfaction within the body and the mind irresecptive of that the source of satisfaction is? there should be. otherwise how is the sens of satisfaction that is experience across a vriertyt of activities that we perform similar? there should be something similat that is happenign with n the body and the mind and this something which is similar should have a degrading impact upon the body and the mind. what really happens to the body and the mind when a sense of satisfaction is experienced? what is the momentum or what is the mind propelled towards? what is ist directed towards? the fact that Grammarly and subsctack ora there grammarlyu is slowing me down. and I cannot turn gramarrly off because that is not important I am told not turn Grammarly off. the next time perhaps when I write I will be more cognizant. gramamarly is not anyway being used to correcfy mistakes, it is doing it already thanks. but that was not my intention. this is an unfolding I am allowing grammatical errors here to be posted . perhaps in the future there might be a change. but curenrelt that is not the case. mistakes here will not be corrected,. there will be no proof r eading was such here. why that? soeomse who wishes to read will read it as is. someone might not. one does need to anwayys. this is the unfolding that is being one by nikhil. useful for many but not required to be read. this will be distilled probable. distilled and served. we all like distlikked things. it leads to satisfaction faster. we all want satifsation faster. the expectation is to have satisfaction faster than we had yeasteryda the mind and the body are waiting eagerly to be satisfied. they are in a satae of waiting what does this state do to the body and the mind, what does waiting do. it creates activity within the body and the mind that is not is response to what is happening in he objective ereality aeround. this waiting, waiting for the fact that I will be satisfied in the next moment or the future creates some activity within them, as if there are waiting eageryl our of the mind, there is additional activation in the nervous system,. activation that is not essential for the performance of the activity that is art hand. this puts additional stress omn the nervous system. I knew this already. but to arrive at this point here took longer,. toa arrive at this point naturally in a natural flow. tookk longer. there is something that is happening in the mind and the body in the body and the mind as a result of waiting. this waiting is not leaving the body and the mind unblemished, it is leaving some mark. and this mark is not simoe, it is not light, it is heacvy. the mark that is left is left. it is the same. with all the things that we derive satisfaction from. it is no different. waiting for a shot of a narcotic and waiting for the possession of a car already owned or a new one, for a n already owned one to comeback into ur experience and boost our sens of pride, the same waiting, the wearing is the same and the impact on the body and the mind also the same. what does the fact that the lies we tell ourselves about being satisfied do? what does it do within the body and the mind? does it go unattended? there is something some sense of relied that is experienced when we say ourselves that we are satisfied. after long hours of waiting, there is relief. the relief is testament that waiting was doing something to the body and the mind. something that should not have been done. should have been done,. otherwise the relief should have been experienced. otherwise we should not be liking the relief. if we hwe were to say say if we happento say waiting was ok, then we should like the relief that is experienced,. we should be willing to say that it is ok if there no relied. this we cannot says. it is this relief, this relawese that we are aeekinjg anways. this release even when masturbating is what we are seeking for. release from waiting. without t his relief who will keep waiting, the mind and the body and the mind will go nutes because of this waiting. there needs to be some relired. so this virus of waiting and relief takes place in everything that is fone fore satisfaction, it is not exclusive to one particular activity alone,. it is common. what happens after all this waiting and rliedf is complete? what state do the body and the mind assume when this episode is complete? there is ease. there is equanimity, there is nowhere to go. just here to stay. like one feels after jaculation. the body and the mind are pleasant there is ease. but how benevolent is this ease that is experienced, how beneficial is this ease experienced? is it blemishless? are there no consequences to it? what will happen if we were to say when experiencing this ease that it his less i will want more the next time anwayys. I will want more. WHAT!! why say this? who in the right minds will says this? if one is in the right minds should one not BE SAYING THIS? because this is anyway the truth? will one in the right minds tell themselves lies or the truth? who win the right minds will lies? He is in the right minds in the right ming because he lies to himself. can we say this about others? no, we will not. We are not in our right minds when we say this was satisfying. we will be in our rights minds if were were to say this was less. this was ok. I will want more. we need to put the body and the mind to tasks again. not allow them to rest. we need to say we will want more. saying this alone is disrutpoing, as I say this after experience the same relaswse after one does masturbation without even masturbating the ease is being impacted, it is being sdistuoted. if I say this is less. the body and the mind are being unstelled, they are unable to enjoy this release, they are being pushed to act. so this lies allows some srtlling to happened and thenfrom waking up from this settling there is resistance. this lies is creating intertia. it is causing the body and the mind to unnecessarily stlle down. earlier the waiting was creating unnecessary pushing, and this is creating unnecessary settling down. and then walking back from this stetlleddown position creates a resistance there is unwillingness to act. it is if waking up a child and f forcing them to brush their teeth. there is sdigression here in thinking. some obstructions within,. from this space of being unstlled, there needs to be some pause, the flow is broken here. perhaps I should have done something wrong. what was the digression? it happened somewhere around writing about being unstelled? unstetlled and allowing the body and the mind to rest? or rather the lies unsettled the body and the mind it does not allow them to rest and devour the pleasant, when calling our statement as lies the body and the mind are unsettled. the rest is broken, it is disturbed. propelling the body and the mind, prolleing them to act from this state dmends something more, there is some intertia that took place after experiencing a sens of satisfaction, this needs to be dealt with. is the interia real or does this go away automatically? does this not create some dullness? dullness similar to what one xpereiinces after ejaculation? there is some dullness to be health. there is slumber, additional activation energy is required to propel the body and the mind into acting. when this additional energy is required to propel them into acting, how will they respond to events in the environment? kamal is smiling is wondering is in awe at the way this article this writing has taken shape shifting from definition to life signals, to satisfaction, to addition, sorry to addition to satisfaction and this. how is this swe going to mislead my line of thought, the awe is fine, but how is the sens of satisfaction derived from the awe going to out me off the rack when contuining this line of thought and moving ahead objectively in single line? there will be apuse. there is apuse, propleeling ahead will be diifigult the body and the mind experienced something that paused them, there is pause energy that was created because of the awe kamal expressed at the depth and breadth of this writing. this will and this preventing me from moving ahead. this created a opuse, this asw created a pause, not this awe, the satisfaction experienced from the awe expressed by kamal create a pulse and moving ahead will take additional effort. additional effort will required to progress further. another distraction by elaboration of problem before switching to solution. this oause energy there is now force arising out of frustration of having spent enough time in speaking about the loss. the state of the mind is disturbed the flow is broken, something will be required to put the mind backinto flow. how long would it ake for the mind to come back in the flow instantly? the mind anyways can respond instantly in a span of time the state of the mind can change, it does not take a lot for the state of the mind to change. so to say that the mind will take longer to shift is a lie. it shift instanalty instantly even for pros. arjuns became weaklimbed he started shivering in an instant. the body and the mind are not slow something else is low. why the lies that the body and the mind will take time to shift the state of the body and mind will take time to shift?. why these lies? they shift instantly, arousal is almost instant, the body enters into baby production or oprjeftile launch mode for baby production almost instantly. without any delay, it is an instant matching or a very fast machine. changing their state does not take long. when why the lies about them taking them t time? taking more time? who is the liasr here? and why blame to body and the mind? who releasewed this pause energy within th body and the mind and started balimg them that they have interia? the puainsg energy this slow down was a result of someones action. it is not the body and the mind that lead to this lsowdown. not soemt evfent within the body and he mind that lead to this event. it was something else’. and the blame is not on the body and the mind that they are aslow. they are instant, even know when speaking about arjuna’;s helplessness they experienced the same., the body and the mind went through the same almost instantly. chor koi aur hia aur bhanda body oaur mind ke upar ohir raha hai. yeh pausing energy kiski hai? where does this pause stem from? how is the source of this pausing energy? and what needs to be done to take this out from the body and the mind? is this a defect of the body and the mind? someone else released this pausing energy within the and mintd why blame them and do something with them? so many modes become activated when typing, osho mode sadhguru mode acharya prashant mode, eckhart tool mode, there is an impulse to switch into their style so many times, because of the satisfaction experienced in there ways. the mind is propped in this direction because of the satisfaction the trace that is left. and individuality and its expression takes a hit becomes difficult if one is cognizant. so in the expression of one;s indivuslaty this satisfaction experienced this borrowed satisfaction that was experienced is an impediment. it is leading the body and the mind to act in ways that are not inherent to the core. the core is misplaced, and something else started driving t he body and the mind,. when the carrot of satisfaction lays elsewhere the body and the mind become distorted, individual fenter is broken. rthre is s isturotion and recentering is essential. with carrots laying all around recentering is not simple. and collecting them from all these places also will be never ending. why not try? i have tried this before. but new carrots keep appearing. somet carrots that appear to have gone appear back. like for instance these authors never played in my head. they played again after a long time. and the impulse for switching to their mode of thought appeared, i feel into to sometimes too, briefly bu came back came back again hpeuflly. or what if there is mix function operating within. I don to know. am i operating from the cfenter? i don otknow. what wcan be known about ourselves fully? I do no know. this needs to be fired out. is this my center or someone else center? is this coming from my core or not? does the core even exists? osho once said in the the book secrtes centering takes place and then the explosion. so a center might not exist at all. then how does the centering take place at all? who is component enough to allow this centering to engineer this centering to take place? where do they get the power form? if they are powerful enough to move or rather create the center why does the movement way from the cfetner take place. something else should be the matter here. something else is the case here. from this inidual center how does one become distracted? if the center does not exist at all as osho said it, how will one know how to center? respective of what he hsaid, we will need to dial back in and move from our experienced. move from our experience? why not use what he said? because the context of his saying is not clear. is not comokete, is completely known. however, that is not the case with ourselves. a better stock of ourselves can be taken does a center seem to exist of not? buddha said the entire reality is appearing at once and go ing away. the center might exist. it seems to exist. is it that that center is ppaearing and disappearing almos intatnly? if the tnire reality can go away and come back again in an instant, why not thecenter? it does appear to be the case, somethimnes thecenter exists and sometihnme it appears as if the center does not exist. it is instant. anything that you remember sadhguru speaking about in this regard? there is one video of him that i can recollect where he said transformation can be instant, or rather life is in the moment, what about others? the list will be long, we will also need to then think about what jeffrey fallen said. from personal experience not to discount the use of their word, things seems to appear and siappera instantly. what is this instant appearance and siaapearance? in some moment it appears that people when reading this will marvel at the depth of wiring and in another moment it seems as if many will think this is amadman man typing, almost instantly. both can anyway coexist. i myself see this as chatter sometimes and sometihmnes this is well thought stuff stuff that is life changing. both ate true. the insights about satisfaction, addiction are life changing, but so much typing so much speaking so much saying seems like a chatter, so much balbberoimg , words words after words, continually typing and speaking for hours at length., going on and on. like a ..